2020: The Year That Was

To be perfectly honest…2020 has been a tough year. And I’m sure I’m not alone in that sentiment! Without dropping the dreaded C word, this global pandemic has changed the lives of millions over the last 9–10 months. On a more personal level, my senior season for baseball was cut short, I made the decision to move home after graduation largely due to financial reasons, and saw distance among other things lead to the end of my long term relationship. I tested positive for C*VID and spent 3 weeks in a hotel room in August which if you haven’t before is a long time on your own with your thoughts! And I’ve worked 3 jobs in the last 4 months, all as boring as the last.

Okay, got it all out. Now to the important stuff.

I have read some horrible, heartbreaking things that people have gone through this year and I want to keep perspective of that when I take stock in my own experiences. People have lost jobs, homes, and even loved ones from a far. They’ve had weddings cancelled, funerals limited and everything in between. It’s been difficult for just about everyone. But I guess I also want to use this blog to be open and honest about my own experiences, thoughts and feelings no matter the comparison of what others have gone through in hopes that maybe someone else in a similar situation can learn something or gain a new perspective for the new year by the time they are finished reading.

I’ve tried to reflect on this year with one eye on the future. I want to take what has been on the whole a pretty crappy year and use it to hopefully learn a few things and improve moving forward with maybe a fresher outlook on life. So here’s a few things I learned this may that maybe you can relate to or learn from too!

1. Your problems aren’t unique

This one really hit home during my break up. Distance became overly difficult and was a large contributor to the end of things. I’d find myself questioning why this was happening to just us, or feeling sorry for myself when in reality there a thousands and thousands (millions?) of other people who have been through international/long distance breakups. It took some time, but once I realized my problem was not unique or special, it helped me to understand that people have successfully dealt with and been through this before and carried on with their lives, and so will I in time.

2. Everyone’s going through something

During the start of the pandemic I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what my plan was and when to fly home. I wanted to stay in the US as I was a groomsman in a wedding in late June (that thankfully went ahead) for a couple of my best friends, Wade and Taryn. Flights home would be cancelled and borders shut one week, rescheduled the next and overall it was just a stressful time trying to figure out what to do.

I remember talking to Wade about it one day and he was telling me about how difficult too it had been planning the wedding. Not only is planning a wedding stressful enough itself, they also had to comply with numerous C*VID rules and coordinate hundreds of people to descend on country Kansas with varying health concerns and availabilities. I came away from that conversation honestly feeling kind of selfish and stupid. Not that he was trying to compare problems, but I was so concerned with my own “issues” that sometimes I would neglect to even think about or check in with what those around me were also dealing with. I’ve learned that sometimes if not often it’s good to think outside of yourself and this is a major focus of mine moving forward.

3. Find solutions, not problems

Problems are inevitable. That’s something I’ve certainly known but more so come to appreciate this year. And since they are inevitable I believe it’s important to just be inherently solution oriented. A big thing I’ve learned about myself this year is that people that dwell on problems are extremely unproductive and generally frustrating to those around them. And I’m definitely still guilty of that sometimes. We all are. Our anger in the moment outweighs our ability to step back, see the bigger picture and often understand the long term insignificance of what we are facing. But whether it be a work mistake, an issue at baseball or something around the house with the family I’ve found this year that the quicker I can push past the problem and however it makes me feel, and look to solve it the quicker it gets resolved and the better I feel.

Sure, it’s important to work to limit problems in the first place. But when they arise, and they will, it’s vital to become and surround yourself with people focused on finding the solution not dwelling on the problem.

4. You don’t have to do it all alone

Early on in March and April I really tried to downplay how I was feeling about the whole C*VID situation. No school! Stay at home! Watch TV all day! What’s not to like? In reality, I was struggling quite a bit with our new reality. I really missed baseball and seeing all of my teammates everyday. I even missed going to class and seeing my professors. For some time I felt like I had lost a sense of purpose. Like I was just rolling through everyday waiting for the next and it eventually wore me down. I certainly don’t think I was alone in those feelings for a period of time. As people we crave that social interaction that was limited or in some cases taken away from everyone so it was a tricky adjustment.

But, like many of us I eventually had to try and find ways to make things better. And it wasn’t until I made a conscious effort that things did in fact get better. We started to have a couple friends around to play cards or I’d try to watch a movie with my housemates instead of just sitting in my room. A big one for me was reaching out to old friends and teammates as there was something about checking in with guys and reminiscing on old times that made me really happy and fulfilled that missing social connection. For some people it’s reading, meditating, watching TV, or even just having a good old fashioned cry. Whatever it is, it’s important to know what works for you in times of need.

For a lot of this year I’ve been having an internal tug of war between “get a grip, things aren’t that bad!” and “man I’m actually not feeling my best at the moment and maybe I should reach out to someone.” The former has won out often but funnily enough every time I gave in to the latter I felt a lot better. Even just a quick chat with friends or family where I allowed myself to admit I’d been having a shitty week I found to be really helpful. There was no judgement when I did admit I had been struggling and I really encourage others to try and do the same if they’re having similar feelings.

5. Gratitude goes a long way

While my last point probably most matter of factly looks at what I struggled with this year, I’m still very grateful for a lot of things going on in my world. I’ve got great parents that graciously took me back in at home to help me save some money, and I’ve got great friends that I can lean on for anything at any given time. Even though there’s been some tough times this year, my life is obviously not in dire straits and sometimes simply sitting back and remembering that can help me gain perspective again.

Gratitude is scientifically proven to improve psychological wellbeing and improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. Even in the toughest times, we can all take even a quick moment to appreciate and focus on what we do have. And in my own experience, it really does make you feel better. This year I’ve tried to be overly grateful when others have helped me and sometimes it can really be as simple as “thank you, that was a massive help to me.” Expressing gratitude can be a refreshing hit of perspective every once in a while and a gentle reminder that everything will be OK in the end.

6. Positivity is powerful

During the course of this year I have become hyper conscious of my reactions to given situations. Like I mentioned earlier with the inevitability of problems arising, in turn the only thing to control is your reactions. And I’ve found that unwavering positivity is often the answer. I find myself with a split second in different scenarios to decide to react positively or negatively. Whether I’m coaching at baseball and a kid makes a silly mistake, or I get a call at work from a nitpicking customer there’s a split second every time where I can choose to be upbeat and optimistic, or frustrated and demeaning.

And option two is often the easier one. People making bonehead mistakes and pedantic customers are inherently frustrating so it’s easy to continue down the road of negativity. But! In that split second in moments of frustration is when positivity is most powerful. People are expecting negativity as it’s what they’ve been conditioned to receive in response to mistakes and issues, so a jolt of optimism and positive energy sincerely does the world of good. I’ve noticed it time and time again where situations get flipped very quickly into positive outcomes just because I made a choice in regards to my reaction. Never underestimate the power of positivity and spread it like wildfire.

Like I said in the beginning this year has been plenty difficult for a lot of us. And as point two highlights, everyone’s going through something whether you know about it or not. So, I say let’s look to be positive and look after eachother this next year. Personally, I’m looking to be a bit more focused and organised to kick some goals and I’m excited to see what happens. 2020 don’t let the door hit you on the way out, let’s see what 2021 has to offer!